How to Uncouple Peacefully

Posted:  Jun 16, 2020

Contemplating a divorce is a serious undertaking, not to be taken lightly. A happy marriage is a union most couples strive to achieve. Unfortunately, not all marriages result in a ‘happily ever after’. Nonetheless, is there such a thing as a ‘happy divorce’? Remarkably, yes.

While emotions may run high when partners decide to call it quits, it’s necessary to separate with minimal damage. Relationships don’t necessarily end because of divorce.  They evolve into something new, particularly when children are involved. Therefore, it’s incredibly important to maintain as much kindness, compassion, and thoughtfulness throughout divorce proceedings.

Stevens & Company Law Corporation is here to assist you with how to uncouple peacefully.

  1. To begin with, avoid obsessing over your soon-to-be-ex’s failures and shortcomings. Doing so is a complete waste of time and energy. Instead, shift your focus to your own behaviour (something you have control over). Take accountability for your blunders and choices. Then you can make better decisions in the future for you and your children.
  2. Maintain self-respect during a mindful uncoupling. Avoid the mindset that you have to win or seek retaliation. It is far more honourable to invite a positive response from your ex-spouse as opposed to a defensive one. Alternatively, you don’t need to be a doormat. Simply stating your wishes and keeping emotions out of the equation can go a long way toward a peaceful ending.
  3. Use the opportunity for a peaceful uncoupling to become your best self. Try your best to break away from negative patterns and behaviours of the past. Indulging in worry or anger only leads to guilt and shame. Write down your ideal values and goals and choose to live them, every day.
  4. While divorce may seem like a failure, think of it as a life lesson. If it all feels unfair and brutal compared to other couples, stop wasting energy on comparisons. Many people have it much worse. Count your blessings and move forward for the best outcome for you and your family.
  5. Acknowledge altered family connections and come to accept the new normal. While you may no longer have a romantic relationship with your ex, you need to develop a healthy new co-parenting rapport for the sake of your offspring. Maintain a respectful, authentic relationship going forward.
  6. A successful uncoupling strategy includes calm communications. If strong emotions and sarcasm interfere, step back and regroup. A worthy practice is to take a break, write down concerns, and return with a composed frame of mind.
  7. Keep communications factual and relevant; avoid sidetracking into parenting advice and hostility in your correspondence. Edit accordingly. Whatever you do, avoid impulsive interactions.
  8. Persistently manage your emotional reactivity. Be mindful you don’t need to act on every emotion. Consider counselling and mediation to weather this phase. Remember, feelings change, and you will survive. Consider positive coping skills such as meditation, exercise, and writing your frustrations out in a journal. 

Should only one partner desire a conscious uncoupling, our divorce lawyers can help. More often than not, compassion, kindness, and thoughtfulness are contagious. 

Although friends may insist there is no such thing as a ‘good divorce’, our team of legal professionals offer a happier legal consultation. When two people make a mindful choice to end their marriage with as little drama as possible, everyone wins.

Contact our law firm for legal advice. We’ll assist you in building a foundation for a happy, cooperative co-parenting relationship for the future.

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